Cynical.

I will stand 2 FEET away from you as I interview you across the counter so you don't choke me. And why did they let you out of jail anyway?

Please do not tell me any more of your problems. And btw, the stitches across your severed (but sewn up) jugular disturb me. Please cover it up.

You are malingering. Don't you dare threaten to blow yourself up if I don't give you Xanax. No, actually, go blow yourself up. See if anyone on this planet gives a crap.

If you dislike your parents so much, stop living with them. After all, you ARE 36.

You are pathetic. You are 36 and living with your parents.

I know you need help but I'm going to leave now. I'm going to leave because I have been here for 10 hours taking on everyone else's shit, and I need to go home and have a beer.

The mental health system in California is broken. There is no fixing it.

(Disclaimer: I really do like my job, and I'm usually quite empathetic. It's just not an easy job and I now know why psychiatrists get therapy.)

Slut shoes.

...to go with my bright red, skin tight, slut dress.

to be worn at Brad's x-mas party.

pictures to follow.

The price of a good life...

One of my friends is contemplating quitting her OB residency and joining a family medicine one instead. It's not that she's lazy nor is it that she dislikes what she does. Rather, she is one of the hardest working people I know, someone who really goes above and beyond what's needed to be done, and she LIKES OB a lot. (something I can't comprehend)

The problem really lies in the fact that she is being worked to death; there was a time when she was on call Q2, and not stay at home, wake up once a night for a call, Q2 either. She wakes up tired and goes to bed tired. She simply wants her life back again, and so she's contemplating quitting.

This of course begs the question; what price to put on an enjoyable life? A life where your friends and family get to spend REAL time with you and don't just hover on the sidelines. And note, there are many people, myself included (hence the FP/PSYCH residency) who would say that there is no question that time with friends and the opportunity to pursue hobbies and interests is an essential part of a satisfactory life, that in this, there's not much room for compromise.

Of course, one could always say, it's only 4 years. OB RESIDENCY IS ONLY FOUR YEARS. But I'm sure that's what could be said about medical school as well. It's only 4 years. And residency, it's only 4 years. And fellowship, OMG, ONLY 3 YEARS. The onlys can go on forever and ever and ever....

I really don't have any answers for my friend, who, like most of us poor indoctrinated residents have always been taught to push the limit, to do her best and more, and who is finding, perhaps, that the limit is fast approaching.

Oh what comes through the ED!!!

8:00am conversation with pt:
Me: Hello Mr X. My name is Dr. Wu and I'm one of the psychiatrists on the service. I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes.

Mr X: it had to go. Because Jesus loves me. [gives me that schizoid flat affect stare]

Me: uuuuh

[fyi, uhhhhh is never really an appropriate response to a comment made by a actively psychotic schizophrenic]

Mr X: [looks down at his foley] why do I need this.

Me: because you cut off your penis.

Mr X: I didn't need it. Can you cut my balls off too.

Me: I don't think that would be a good idea.



10:00am conversation with pt:
Me: Hello Ms. I, My name is Dr. Wu and I'm one of the…

Ms I: [who has paranoid personality d/o] I KNOW WHO YOU IS. YOU IS ONE OF THEM HEAD DOCTORS. YOU GONNA STEAL MY THOUGHTS. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM.


12:00pm conversation with the hospitalist on Purple Medicine
Dr. Sandy: [with slightly panicked tone] I need to consult psychiatry. I just got this pt who was admitted with a DVT and she's bipolar and she's not cooperating with the nurses I need you to talk to her

Me: um, well, have you tried calming her down?

Dr. Sandy: [who by the way is a very nice guy but with rather limited pt communication skills] welllll, I haven't talked to her today. But she's bipolar.

Me: yeah, but could you at least TRY talking to her before calling psych?

Dr. S: but she's bipolar

Me: LOOK, THE BIPOLAR PATIENTS ARE PEOPLE TOO.



3:00PM conversation with two patients (husband and wife)
Me: so could you tell me who tried to stab who first?

Wife: [raging borderline personality d/o, sobbing] I'M NOT LOVED.

Husband: [raging narcissistic personality d/o] my needs weren't met.

Wife: [screams] I'm not going to die alone, you Son of a fucking bitch.

Me: I want us all to calm down and take a deep breath.

Wife: I WISH I STABBED YOUR DICK.

Husband: I can't deal with this.

Me: [inner monologue…neither can I….]