OB notes.

I am currently on my most dreaded rotation of residency: OB... and I thought I'd take some time from my one day off to tell everyone what I think of it.

Bottom line: Pulling babies out is fun, but not worth the abuse, sleep deprivation and sheer agonizing terror that you feel when something goes wrong.

Nor is it worth what it's doing to my personality; ie, turning me into a bitch. I snapped at a cafeteria worker the other day, and I NEVER snap at anyone. I was pretty horrified afterwards...

And then there's the all time tragic story of the month. I was in triage the other day and had just seen a woman 25 weeks pregnant with twins. She came in with her 8 month old son and this kinda shady looking guy who she called her "uncle". She was really quiet, didn't have prenatal care records but did have what looked like the beginning of a black eye.

I ordered records from this other hospital that she said she received an ultrasound at and then stepped out of the room to look at something else. Suddenly, there's a THUMP, and the 8mo baby starts crying. One of the nurses and I charge into the room and there's the woman holding her screaming baby with a deer-in-the-headlights terrified look and the sketchy guy sitting in the chair staring straight ahead. Noone is answering a single question, then the sketchy guy starts drooling, shaking, falling out of the chair and having a "seizure". He collapses on the floor, sweeping the bed, lamp aside, upending down the supplies cabinet, and as i and the anesthiologist resident rush over thinking we have a grand mal on our hands, he suddenly lunges forward knocking us out of the way and stumbles out of the room and down the hall and out of Labor and delivery.

That was not a seizure. That was a faked seizure because he dropped a baby on it's head.

So the nurses lock the L&D doors, but 10 seconds later, he comes back and starts yelling screaming and pounding to get in. At the same time, he strips off his clothes, and pees through the door into Labor and delivery. The police finally grab him and take him away while he's still peeing, and spitting at the doors.

And the woman in the meantime doesn't say a single thing. She doesn't answer questions, now says the guy is a neighbor not a uncle and in general has a mute terrified expression on her face.

She didn't press charges and we got the crisis social worker to come and talk to her, but I was really scared for her and her baby. She was not in a good place and there were so few options. Pregnant with a infant boy, where else was she going to go?

Residency sucks sometimes

So my residency (family/psych) is a total of 5 years. 5 LONG years, but I always felt like they were somewhat manageable..I mean, sure 5 years is almost like doing TWO family medicine residencies, but I do come out double boarded and I really enjoy psychiatry.

The problem is that the reality of being in a 5 year program sucks. SUCKS. Granted, various other residencies including surgery are 5 years, but I would rather cut my wrists than be in those particular residencies.

The bottom line is, if you all have read this far, is that I'm TIRED. T-I-R-E-D. I don't have much excuse to be tired, (ie, no kids, no husband (although the live-in-bf really is about the same thing), most rotations not particularily toxic) and my work hours recently haven't been that bad....

I think that being a resident is like being in suspended anmination. It's delayed gratification taken to the nth power. It's financially and emotionally stunting and I am tired of being stunted. I've thought about switching to either psychiatry or family medicine and thereby shortening my residency, in fact, the thought pops into my head every month or so.

Is this worth it, am I going to be happy, should I just call it quits. On one hand, I would be disappointing a lot of people were I to switch. On the other hand, why do I care - Life is short - I could die in a plane crash a year from now. On one hand I really really enjoy both fields, on the other hand, I could be happy doing either one. On one hand, I feel like being dual boarded would make me a great physician even were I to decide to practice only one field in the end, on the other hand, it's not like I would be a BAD doctor with only one board.

So the conclusion to this little whine session is that there's no conclusion. As of today, I am still in this joint residency plugging away. And plugging. And plugging. And plugging.