Bitching is not the only thing I do.

yes, I know that every time I post, I gripe. But frankly, there is a lot of gripe about in this job. But just to show that I do in fact, do other fun things, here's a snapshot of my weekend.

Brad and I went to San Francisco to hang out for a couple of days. (I tried to avoid parts of the city where I would be able to glimpse a hospital)




And this is my my fledgling attempts at photography with my new camera in Golden Gate Park.




I think brad and I sorta needed this weekend away.



One of my favorite used bookstores in the Mission!!

Dysthymic

It's been a couple of months since I've posted, not because there's been nothing to say but because residency seems to be sucking up most of my energy. I don't think I'm depressed, I'm more just "blue".

I had kind of a rough Peds ED rotation, and since then my motivation is just not there. I mean, there's only so many times I can get up smiling after being knocked down and intern year is all about being knocked down. And look, this is my second intern year!! Stuff that used to not bother me now increasingly make me either upset or anxious. Things I could just brush off before I incessantly think about now.

I always complain about leaving the program and I threaten constantly (mostly-jokingly) about leaving, but if my anxiety ridden stressed out life doesn't improve,I might have to. My third year starts in one month (with my first real resident rotations), so here's to hoping life improves.

Belated pictures

Stuff I did over the holidays but didn't have time to post:



Brunch with my mom and sister.




Then Nutcracker with my mom and sister



We don't look anything alike.




But we're both boozers!!!!!

LAST CALL AT THE VA

It's my last call at the VA, and fortunately, I don't have too many patients. Unfortunately, the patients I do have are about to crump. Fortunately though, I have plenty of time to stare at the cardiac monitor watching blood pressures drop and heart rates rise, and I thought I'd take this opportunity to do a little blogging about what I like and dislike about medicine.

I do not like dying patients. I do not like patients with 5000 tubes sticking out of them and I especially do not like that slightly panicky feeling in the pit of my stomach I get when things start spiraling out of my control.

I am really not cut out for inpatient medicine. Fortunately, there are plenty of doctors who are well suited for this acute medicine thing. I just do not get that "rush" that's described to me by people who become excited at 20 things happening at once.

Can someone please explain this rush to me? Because all I get is nauseous, not at all a pleasant feeling.

2 calls and counting....

Sorry about the blog hiatus, but time is scarce during inpatient VA. I'm only blogging now because my endurance for the VA is slowly coming to an end and I need a good place to vent.

So as I sit here randomly typing, trying to think of something to positive to say about the VA, I realize that, HA, THERE IS NOTHING POSITIVE TO SAY.

There are no women (which is probably not the case for all VA's, just this one)

There are only old men, and they have one of three diagnoses: CHF, COPD, ESLD 2/2 etoh
(so for my sister stepums, who I know is going to ask, that's Congestive Heart
Failure, Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and End stage liver disease due to
too much boozing)

So to continue with my list...


These same old men who are dying of liver disease think it's ok to hit on me...with the same vigor that they probably put into sucking down that fifth of whiskey every morning.

The ED is incompetent (again, only this VA specific)

The overnight nursing staff makes me want to shoot myself.

THE CAFETERIA WITH COFFEE STAND CLOSES AT 2:30PM.

Like I said...2 calls and counting.

A Just Because Post.

I steamed a whole rock cod for dinner and I ate it all. You'd think I was on Zyprexa or something. (no Nina, I am NOT pregnant)

And then I had a slice of chocolate cake with gelato for dessert.

Leather and Lace

Today my patient yelled "fuck you" as I said, "thank you taking your medication, Ms G."

Yesterday my patient changed his dose of metoprolol because he said I was too young to know what I was doing.

Tomorrow I'm praying for a more enlightening day.

Second thoughts again.

Inside today.

Inside me.

Today.

I could possibly be fading.

I can feel myself growing colder.

I can feel myself under your fate.

Under.

Your fate.

It was you. Breathless and torn.

Turning me into dust.

And two strangers turning into dust.

Turning into dust.