It is 8:00am, I open the foodport located at the bottom of the 2 feet thick door of a cell at the County jail.
I peer into the cell. Unfortunately, because of the way the food port is situated and the way the patient is standing, I get an excellent view of his penis and testicles.
Yes, the patient (a flabby elderly man arrested for indecent exposure) is naked.
And yes, there IS a stale, dank odor wafting my way through the open foodport.
"MOTHERFUCKING BITCH, FUCK YOU ALL.", shouts the patient.
"Sir," i say, "that's not a nice thing to say. Why don't we talk about what's been going on?"
"FUCK YOU. I'M GOING TO SUCK YOUR BABY'S DICK," he screams through the door. A dribble of saliva slides down the corner of his mouth.
I decide to move on to my next patient. My next patient is a young woman, also naked, and also manic. She is currently squatting on the floor of her cell with her hand stuck down into her toilet. I hear water sloshing around the toilet bowl and I ALSO see bits of dark nuggety things (unmistakably poop) floating around.
I found it, she yells, holding up a squished dark brown nuggety thing.
At this point, I pointedly back away and head out of cell area for a much needed coffee break. And it's only 8:30.
7 comments:
Why do manic/psychotic patients end up in JAIL?
that is a frickin awesome story! And now I'm going to go vomit...
Welcome back to work!
Ok, so I know someone has to do it but it wasn't going to be me. I honestly believe I would have resigned from my residency if I had to see that lady. You're a better person than me.
^---- should be "better person than I."
^ Yeah, my bad.
serena, your blog is hilarious. can i be your next stalker? :)
Post a Comment